10 Secrets To Keeping A Happy Marriage:
1. The number one reason guys say they get a divorce is “I can’t do anything right in the relationship” (quoted from Dr John Gray-relationship expert ‘Men are from Mars Women are from Venus’). To make her happy……he needs to look at the little things to help relieve her everyday stress; not the big things like supplying a home to live in or having a good steady job. These things are great to have and crucial but it’s the little things that she’s complaining about and that usually make the relationship breakdown. …..it’s the not offering to cook or wash up, putting clothes away after being washed, not picking up your dirty clothes and putting them in laundry. It’s the little things that build up her frustration, not the big things!
2. To help reduce stress, is to both understand the dynamics of males & females and how they juggle their full time job, and then for many woman it’s like coming home to then start the second shift….if one partner is doing more than the other, that’s when resentment starts to set in.
Guys, resist from immediately parking your butts on the lounge and turning the TV on as soon as you get home from work; ask her is there anything she’d like you to do or help with? The most common complaint from females is “that he never helps around the house”. It will amaze you how something so small like hanging out a load of clothes from the wash will make her feel genuinely content and not get fired up when you do sit on the lounge to switch off and chill-out. Just remember to make the little things a habit not a one off!
3. Let her catch you staring at her. Stare at her the way you stared at her when you were first dating! Bet you would have starred longer entranced by her beauty. Make her feel sexy or pretty again just by looking at her longer with your softer loving eyes (a women will take your glare as a huge compliment and you won’t even have to say anything – it makes you think you feel she is attractive). If she likes being touched try adding a soft gentle touch by stroking the hair back behind her ear whilst looking at her beauty.
4. Look for opportunities to give positive messages! Complement each other daily. Make your partner feel good about themselves…spot them doing something right not something wrong! E.g. : “thanks honey for putting the lid on the toothpaste”, “thanks for coming home early , I really appreciate it”. By spotting them doing something right/good, it will help them want to repeat the behaviour.
5. Let your wife talk at end of day…Reframe from responding and trying to give solutions, remember, she’s just sharing ‘SO JUST LISTEN TO HER’ as she needs to vent and share. This reduces her stress as her brain releases a hormone called oxytocics that makes her feel better instantly!
Men you don’t need to say anything or fix anything, you don’t even need to plan a response… just look at her while she is talking so she feels like you are interested and caring. Understand that the woman’s hormone called oxytocics is on steroids when she shares her feelings with her partner and it’s NOT the same as a talking to a girlfriend…..just in case you wanted to palm her off to the phone and call a friend. There is a remarkably large difference in how much oxytocics’ is released when she is sharing with her partner. Let her release the feel good hormones!
6. Learn to break the routine and do something different monthly; go out for dinner to a new place, picnic, play pub pool and give her 2 shots to everyone of yours, go to the movies in a different location. Break the ‘NORM’ and experience new things together regularly like when you first started dating. Ask yourself “when’s the last time you did something for the first time together?” The main reason we love holidays is because you normally experience things together for the first time. The great thing is you don’t need an expensive holiday to recreate the same feeling of simply doing something for the first time.
7. Ladies help him feel like a man….let him do some manly stuff and also mingle with some males socially. It’s not being sexiest; it’s a clinically proven fact that there is natural gender intelligence that we are hormonally different. Let him socialize with some mates without giving him a hard time . Also help him feel like he can help at home with his strength and to be the protector…acknowledge him when he does. This feeds instantly to his serotonin and also increases his testosterone. This will unconsciously feed the female-male sexual attraction too, so there’s bonuses all round!
8. Studies show that role reversal is very dangerous for relationships. Ladies make sure you don’t emasculate him by dominating all the time e.g: continually giving him orders. When woman are handling everything in a relationship the male dopermean levels decrease because the neurons aren’t getting fired off…he starts to lose motivation in urgency and emergency senses. Role-reversal is very dangerous as the sexual attraction gets lost.
9. Ensure you continue to play a male & female role and not try to focus too much time on becoming equals in everything. The sexual relationship dies down. Studies prove many couples break up because they have become ‘just friends’ and the flame is missing. Continually work at stroking the male and female egos/roles in a relationship- let him feel strong and the protector, let her feel sexy and the nurturer.
10. Guys, ensure you don’t need nurturing too often and become too emotional as this will switch on the Females maternal nurturing instinct. If this is a continual pattern you run, eventually at an unconscious level it will start to turn the female off from you sexually. Many divorce rates show if he needs nurturing all the time she will see you more as a child or sibling relationship -the sexual attraction diminishes and the relationship is in turmoil. Understand woman want you to share your feelings and be emotional but just resist from falling into that pattern constantly- continue to show the masculine side too.